


To Hell & Back

by SSA_Arrowverse



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, I've got more fics, Other Supergirl characters I don't feel like tagging, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, idk if anyone cares lol, idk what else im supposed to tag?, this is my first time publishing on any fic site
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:26:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21874384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SSA_Arrowverse/pseuds/SSA_Arrowverse
Summary: The title is from 'To Hell & Back' by Maren Morris. Rao, I love her music so much, and I highly recommend both of her albums if you're a country music fan.Anyways!The thing is, I love, and I mean LOVE, psychology. To Hell & Back (my story, not the song lol) is about Kara having a PTSD-induced decrease in control of her powers. It's the anniversary (let's say the 2 year anniversary, which - if my calculations are correct - would make this the equivalent of S5's part of the timeline) of Kara's first fight with Reign; the fight that put Kara into a coma. Anyways, there's this psychological thing that happens on the anniversary of traumatic experiences irl, and that's where the inspiration for this fic came from.Each chapter focuses on one or two of Kara's powers.(PS: read the beginning chapter notes in chapter 1 before you read the actual story)
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers & Maggie Sawyer, Samantha "Sam" Arias/Kara Danvers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	1. Strength of Steel

**Author's Note:**

> A few things to note:
> 
> 1\. Sam, in this, came back a few months before this takes place. And Ruby doesn't exist. Sorry.
> 
> 2\. Sam and Lena know that Kara is Supergirl.
> 
> 3\. I listed this as an F/F thing for Sam and Kara (sorry, I love Superreign), but I'm not entirely sure if it's gonna definitely be that way or not. So I just thought it would be better to be safe than sorry? idk
> 
> 4\. As I said in the tags, this is my first time posting on Ao3 (or any other fic site), so I'm extremely nervous. I have a ton more fics planned, and I'll maybe kinda sorta possibly share them here, too? A lot of them are Superreign, sorry if that's not your thing... but like, you can request other ships if you want?

The change was subtle but sudden. Kara’s hugs were quick and overly-gentle. Kara’s grip on everything was so gentle, she dropped her phone three times in one conversation (in person) with Alex, then another two times with Lena, again in person.

Now, for the past four days - four days ago being exactly five weeks before Christmas - Kara has barely touched anyone or anything. Her friends have asked her about it, but she deflects their questions. She avoids most of them, save for the few she knows she has to see; Alex, Maggie, Brainy, Nia, Lena, and Sam.

Oh… Sam. Kara’s control over her strength is weakest when she’s near Sam.

Kara knows Sam’s noticed, too. She knows something’s up, they all do. But pushing gets them nothing but an angry, somewhat out of control Kryptonian.

So, now here Kara is. Walking into her apartment, unknowingly about to be ambushed by her _all-knowing_ sister, her sister’s _detective_ girlfriend, and her two _genius_ best friends.

And Kara, well, she’s basically an open-book they’ve all memorized.

She opens the door, looking up from her hand ever so gently gripping the doorknob, and freezing as she sees the four women in her apartment’s living area.

Kara looks at Lena first, then Maggie, then the quickest glance she’s ever taken at Sam, then makes direct eye contact with Alex.

“Am I in trouble?” Kara asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

“That depends on whether or not you’re gonna let go of your poor doorknob…” Alex responds, pointing at Kara’s hand, now empty, as she walks towards her younger sister.

Alex reaches out to Kara, but the Kryptonian pulls away.

“Kara…” Alex gives her a worried expression.

“Alex, I’m fine. I’m just tired. Why are you guys here?”

“We’re worried about you.” Sam responds, Kara avoids looking at her.

“I’m fine.” Kara declares, her voice much more stern than she intended. Kara attempts to be convincing, but her now-broken dining chair betrays her. “Oh Rao…”

“Damn it, Kara. Stop lying! Just stop, none of us believe you.” Alex snaps. Kara flinches.

“Alex.” Maggie’s voice is calm, though if looks could kill, Alex would be dead faster than the Flash can blink, Kara thinks.

Kara looks around at everything and nothing at the same time, though she avoids looking at everyone.

Out in National City, near the southern outskirts, Kara hears a woman call for help, so without a word, she flies out the window, leaving her glasses and civilian clothes on the floor where she stood seconds earlier.

When Kara lands, the first thing she sees is an alien almost twice her height. The alien is gray and scaley, with two horns on its head, one just above each temple. The monstrous alien charges towards Kara, it’s horns getting caught in her hands as she hovers above the ground, matching it’s height.

Then, Kara hears a soft crack, followed by another, then more, each faster and harder than the last, until her hands are holding nothing but dust and the alien is on the ground, holding its head where it’s ivory and sharp antlers should be, a low, pain-filled growl tearing through its throat.

She looks at her hands, her eyes flicker to the alien, then her hands.

Kara flies back to her apartment as soon as the DEO van arrives.

As soon as she lands on the floor, she super speeds to the counter and washes the dust off, muttering ‘no’ and ‘I’m sorry’ over and over.

Alex, Maggie, Lena, and Sam try to calm her down, but to no avail.


	2. Speed of the Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara's a mess...
> 
> oh yeah and then there's this non-canon fic you're reading, Kara's a mess here, too.
> 
> im not funny, im sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, some friends of mine told me that I need to clear a few things up.
> 
> 1\. Sanvers is still together, ignoring the whole kid/no kid drama and um… i think we’re just gonna ignore the proposal?
> 
> 2\. Winn fixed the problem in the 31st century and came back. Brainy stayed for Nia cuz Brainia is adorable.
> 
> 3\. We’re gonna keep James’ departure, i have no reason as to why.
> 
> 4\. Lena found out in the scene at the end of 2x12 “Luthors” when she said “Supergirl may have saved me, but Kara Danvers, you are my hero.” i’ll make a one-shot of how i’d imagine that went
> 
> 5\. Sam found out when Lena found out that she was Reign, I’ll write this one-shot, too. To be honest, I have a google doc filled with 70+ self-made prompts I’ve been coming up with as I rewatch Supergirl (to remember the good times before S5) and both of these one-shot ideas are in there, so I guess I’ll just link them to make one full story? idk
> 
> 6\. Kelly's a psychologist, so if she's there, she'd recognize Kara's PTSD right away and i dont want the others to realize what's happening just yet.
> 
> update on february 24, 2020 (woah): so like, when i was writing this, i totally missed it until recently, but i added kelly in the list of the Superfriends, so i removed her name lol sorry.

One hundred miles per hour.

  
  
  


Two hundred.

  
  
  


Three hundred.

  
  
  


Four hundred.

  
  
  


Five hundred.

  
  
  


Six hundred.

  
  
  


Seven hundred.

“Supergirl?”

Seven hundred and ten.

“Supergirl…”

Seven hundred and twenty.

“Supergirl, are you even listening?”

Seven hundred and thirty.

“Are her comms on?”

Seven hundred and forty.

“Supergirl, report.”

Seven hundred and fifty.

“Supergirl, slow down.”

Seven hundred and sixty.

“Supergirl, you’re going too fast. Brainy, how fast is she now?”

“Seven hundred sixty-seven point two hundred seventy… she’s just breached the sound barrier, Director Danvers.”

Kara flies into the DEO, the glass of the eight or so floors above and below them shattering as she lands on the ground.

“Supergirl. My office. Now,” Alex demands, leaving no room for argument.

•••

“What the hell, Kara!?” Alex exclaims as Kara timidly closes the door.

“I’m sorry… I couldn’- I couldn’t control it… I just started flying, and- and I couldn’t slow down or stop, but then I got here and I landed and I just- I’m sorry…” Kara mumbles in response, sheepishly looking down from Alex’s death glare.

•••

Alex drags Kara into the blonde’s apartment, quickly greeted by the worried looks of the rest of the Superfriends - Brainy, Winn, Maggie, J’onn, Lena, and oh… Sam… in that order.

“Did I forget about game night or something?” Kara whispers to Alex, knowing full-well why her friends are here, but deciding to feign innocence or ignorance - she’s not even sure which one at this point.

“I believe this is what people call an… intervention,” Brainy replies.

Kara’s innocent/ignorant facade drops as she looks at the ground in front of her, hugging her arms across her stomach as if to make herself smaller.

“Can you guys leave?” Kara whispers.

“What?” Alex turns towards Kara, this time when she puts her hand on Kara’s shoulder, the blonde doesn’t pull away.

“I- I’d rather not have this talk right now-” the Kryptonian is cut off by Lena as the CEO stands up and walks towards the Danvers sisters.

“Kara. Look at me. What the hell is going on.”

“I don’t know…” Kara takes a quick glance at Sam, but looks away when she sees that Sam is looking back at her.

Kara hears footsteps getting louder, closer to her. Then she hears Sam’s voice ask if she’s afraid of the CFO. She quickly shakes her head, still staring at the ground.

“Then look at me.”

Kara looks up. Then back down.

She looks at the window. Realizing that it’s open, she flies out.

She doesn’t see the building in front of her until she’s a few hundred miles away from it. Seeing the Supergirl-sized whole, she flies even faster away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lemme know how you feel about the chapter/story so far, if you want. and if you want the reveals?


	3. Eyes of Fire, Breath of Ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took way longer to finish than i intended. i wanted the whole thing done before/by christmas but life kinda got in the way. and by life i mean writer's block. hope you enjoy.
> 
> also, i know nothing about Kryptonian anatomy or physiology or whatever, so i took some creative liberties, other than some of the stuff mentioned in the show i've sort of been able to follow. hope y'all don't mind?
> 
> update on february 24, 2020: minor grammatical corrections.

Another week passes, filled with unspoken lectures, worried glances, and a lot of melted and shattered objects.

“Kara!” Lena screeches as yet another piece of the Kryptonian’s walls get blasted with a short beam of heat vision.

Alex, Lena, Sam, and Maggie decided to always have at least one of them with Kara at all times, and it’s Lena’s turn to watch Kara, plus she’d rather not be on the receiving end of Alex’s empty threats of being thrown in DEO lock-up for forty-eight hours if she doesn’t stay with Kara for a few hours until someone else can get to her apartment. After Alex’s not-so-empty threat of throwing Kara in a kryptonite-laced cell, Kara conceded to let someone stay with her.

She’s insisted multiple times that she “doesn’t need a babysitter, _Alex._ ”

“Oh Rao, I’m- I’m sorry, I-”

“Kara, slow down, it’s alright,” Lena walks over to Kara, cautiously putting her hand on Kara’s shoulder to ease her back onto the couch, leaving plenty of time for Kara to object the action.

“Please don’t tell Alex…” Kara whispers as Lena sits down next to her.

“Kara… what’s going on? Seriously, you can tell me,” says Lena with unwavering sympathy and determination to help her friend.

Kara looks down, avoiding eye contact.

“Nothing’s going on. I- I’m just stressed. That’s all. I’m fine,” Kara refrains from looking at one thing for too long, she may be fireproof, but her apartment and Lena aren’t.

“I’ll believe you when you can look me in the eye and say it.”

Kara sighs, but it comes out cold and frosty, “I- ugh… I don’t know. I don’t know what’s happening, I just know that it’s happening and I can’t stop it.”

“Okay… okay, it’s alright. But I think you should talk to Alex, or maybe let me try to help.”

Kara’s eyes widen, finally looking at Lena frantically, “N-No! I can’t, there- I’m Supergirl, I can’t have anything going on- and I don’t need help, I’m fine.”

“Kara…”

“There’s- I hear sirens, I’ll be right back,” Kara says as she stands up and rips open her button-up, revealing her suit.

•••

“You again?” Kara, as Supergirl, asks as she lands. Her superhero bravado masks her fear of causing more damage. The still-unidentified alien (now with missing horns) grunts, glaring at Kara, preparing himself to charge at her.

Before he can start running, another alien - an Infernian, if his red hair and the fact that he flew over with a trail of fire seemingly coming from his hands are any indication - lands next to him, releasing a beam of fire from his eyes at Kara. She quickly fires back, creating a steady clash between the blue and red beams.

The other alien makes his escape as the Infernian continues to fire his heat vision at her, until she eventually drops.

The last thing she sees before the darkness takes over is Alex beginning to lift her onto a stretcher.

•••

Kara wakes up to the faint sound of beeping and a bright yellow light above her. She attempts to sit up, but four hands carefully push her back down, prompting a sharp burning feeling from her left shoulder and her right leg.

“Easy, you solar flared,” a voice, Lena, Kara thinks, tells her.

“You passed out, the Infernian burned you, then the DEO got you out of there,” another voice, Sam, continues. Kara jumps, startled.

“Easy! You’re gonna hurt yourself, again,” yet another voice, Alex, calls from the table on the other side of the medbay.

“Can Kara and I talk, alone?” Lena asks, looking at Alex, then Sam, then Alex again.

“Sure,” the CFO and the Director say at the same time.

Kara tries to protest, but Lena gives her a ‘we need to talk’ look.

“Still think you shouldn’t tell Alex?” Lena asks once the others are out of earshot. There’s no accusatory or patronizing tone in her voice, it’s soft and caring.

“I don’t want them to worry… Alex is always overprotective and she’ll never let me out of her sight. And Sam- Sam’s busy helping you run L-Corp and CatCo, she shouldn’t have to worry about me, too.”

This time when Kara tries sitting up, Lena helps her to not hurt her injuries more.

“So, let Alex be overprotective. And I’ll make sure Sam doesn’t start slacking off.” Lena smiles, trying to reassure Kara, “How about that?”

“Do I have an option at this point?” Kara counters as Lena gently sits next to her.

“No, but if you want, I can help you tell them,” Kara looks away from Lena, focusing on her bandaged leg, her eyes filling with unshed tears.

“I’m kinda glad I solar flared, because I’m pretty sure there’d be a hole in the ground, or you’d have frostbite from being too close to me,” is Kara’s watery reply, Lena pulls her into a hug, protectively wrapping her arms around the blonde, who puts her head on the brunette’s shoulder.

The two sit in silence for a few minutes.

“Kara, what’s going on? This is the first time you’ve let anyone really touch you in weeks. And before now, you wouldn’t look at Sam. Are you sure you’re not afraid of her?”

Kara releases a shaky breath before responding, “I’m not afraid of her... I promise… I just… I don’t know.”

“Okay, do you wanna tell them now? Together?”

Kara nods, her head still resting on Lena’s shoulder.

As if sensing they were ready, Alex and Sam walk back into the medbay. Both look slightly shocked at the current position of Kara and Lena, given Kara’s lack of physical contact recently.

Kara and Lena quickly pull away from each other.

Kara whispers, “We need to talk,” earning her skeptical looks from her sister and one of her best friends, though the former looks a little scared, too.

“Last time you said that, it was because you flew through a building at mach one and a half,” Alex responds, sitting down on the bed across from Kara and Lena.

Sam sits next to Alex, still eyeing Kara skeptically.

Kara opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out, so she closes it. She looks at Lena for help, so the CEO takes control of the conversation.

“Obviously Kara has been having some… issues… regarding her control over her powers,” Lena speaks slow and deliberate, choosing her words carefully.

Kara, ever the impatient Kryptonian she is, interrupts by blurting out, “Something’s wrong with me and I don’t know what it is but it’s terrifying and I keep almost killing people because I can’t control my powers so please just fix me already.”

Sam looks at like a deer caught in headlights and Alex looks just about ready to hide Kara in a bunker away from all of the world’s cruelties for the rest of her life. So Kara, reasonably, cowers like an idiot under their gaze.

Lena clears her throat, and Alex immediately jumps into action as Sam sits, probably lost in thought. Kara watches nervously as Alex grabs some weird handheld device from a drawer.

“Lena, move,” is all Alex gives as she turns it on.

“You think it’s-” Kara asks, remembering the device from her first fight with Draaga at Roulette’s fight club, but Alex raises her hand, signalling for Kara to stop speaking. Lena and Sam look at the sisters, confusion written clearly on their faces.

“No, but I have to check.”

“Check what?” Sam asks.

“Check for brain damage,” Alex says, scanning Kara’s head. A few moments later, she turns the device off and throws it back on the counter while sighing, Kara hopes it’s in relief.

She starts fidgeting nervously after Alex hands Lena a tablet without saying anything.

“I learned from the Reign situation-” Kara flinches, almost imperceptibly “-Kryptonian brains are identical to human brains. Except I don’t understand what any of this means,” Lena states, looking at Kara quizzically.

“Okay… so nothing’s wrong with me and I’m just overreacting. I’m probably just tired, so I’m gonna go home and rest. Okay? Yeah. Yup, that’s all. I’m fine. See Lena? I’m all good,” Kara rambles with false enthusiasm. She knows Alex already knows that she’s going back into denial, so she makes the quick decision to get out of the DEO as soon as possible, opting to bolt, even at her now-temporarily-human speed, before anyone can object.

“What the hell was that?” Sam asks after a few minutes of tense silence.

“Kara hates being vulnerable. She forgets that just because she’s nearly indestructible that nothing can be wrong with her. Physically and psychologically…” Alex trails off, getting lost in thought. She shakes her head, going back to her explanation, “Her first week being Supergirl, she was attacked by Valeronian, Vartox. He had this axe that could damage Kryptonians. When I got there, god… she was terrified.

“Then when she solar flared for the first time, she felt so helpless, Max Lord was giving Supergirl such a hard time about not being there for the earthquake and there was this man who she couldn’t save because she didn’t have her powers. She beat herself up so much, then it took James falling down an elevator shaft for her to jumpstart her powers.”

A stiff, tense silence falls on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully chapter 4 will be out soon, i already have half of it written.

**Author's Note:**

> y'all, im so sorry if this is bad. i absolutely love writing, but im better at essays/speeches/things that dont require much creativity.
> 
> if anything doesnt make sense (i have a bad habit of forgetting that people aren't J'onn J'onzz, i also have a bad habit of making Arrowverse references a lot), lemme know and i'll explain...
> 
> also, i've been working on this for a few weeks (maybe a month?) so i've already started chapter 2. i have it set for 5 chapters, but i'm debating whether or not i want to add an epilogue, so idk.


End file.
